Grief That Isn't Recognised: Navigating Invisible Losses
When we think of grief, we often think of death. A loved one passes away, and we grieve, there’s a funeral, a sympathy card, time off work. But what about the losses that go unseen? The quiet heartbreaks, the endings that no one names, the hopes that didn’t materialise? These are known as disenfranchised or unrecognised griefs, and they can affect us just as deeply.
As a therapist, I often sit with people carrying invisible grief. They’re not always aware that what they’re experiencing is grief, they just know something feels heavy, stuck, or unspoken. In this post, I want to explore what unrecognised grief can look like, why it matters, and how therapy can offer a space to acknowledge and heal these hidden wounds.
What is unrecognised grief?
Unrecognised grief refers to any grief that isn’t socially acknowledged, openly mourned, or publicly validated. This might include:
The end of a relationship that others didn’t see as significant
A miscarriage or fertility struggle
The loss of a pet
Losing a job, especially one tied to your identity
The transition into parenthood, and grieving your old self
Estrangement from a parent or sibling
Moving away from a place you loved
Friendships that slowly faded away
A health diagnosis that changed your sense of self
Loss of a dream or life plan you deeply hoped for
You might not have told anyone. You might have felt like it wasn’t “serious enough” to talk about. You might have minimised it, “Other people have it worse”, or felt unsure why you’re struggling. But the truth is: loss is loss. And grief doesn’t need permission to exist.
My experience with invisible grief
There have been times in my own life when I’ve carried grief that wasn’t seen. Leaving a career I’d worked hard for. Letting go of friendships that no longer felt safe. The gradual shift of identity after becoming a parent. No one sent flowers or asked how I was coping, and I wouldn’t have expected them to. But looking back, I know now that those moments were tinged with grief. They deserved time, attention, and kindness.
Sometimes, it’s in therapy, both as a therapist and a client, that these losses find their voice.
The cost of unacknowledged grief
When we can’t speak our grief, it doesn’t go away, it simply gets stored. We might carry it in our bodies as fatigue or anxiety. We might become irritable, withdrawn, or overfunction to distract ourselves. We might feel disconnected from others, unsure why certain moments trigger such strong emotions.
Unacknowledged grief can quietly erode our sense of self. We start to believe we’re being “too sensitive” or “dramatic.” We lose confidence in our emotional truth. And over time, we may struggle to trust our own inner world.
But when grief is named, when someone says, “That was a loss”, something begins to soften. We no longer feel so alone.
Why therapy helps
Therapy offers a space to explore your grief without judgment, timeline, or comparison. You don’t need to justify why something hurt you. If it mattered to you, then it matters.
In therapy, we gently unpick what’s been carried silently. I might ask:
What did that experience mean to you?
Who were you hoping to become before that loss?
What part of you hasn’t had space to speak?
What have you been holding in, and for how long?
Grief doesn’t need fixing. It needs witnessing. And sometimes, being heard in your sadness is the first real step toward healing.
Giving yourself permission to grieve
You don’t need to wait for someone else to validate your grief. You can name it yourself:
“That mattered to me.”
“That ending hurt, even if others don’t understand why.”
“I’m allowed to feel sad, even if it doesn’t look dramatic on the outside.”
Grief is deeply personal. And when we give ourselves the space to grieve what the world doesn’t see, we honour the depth of our emotional lives.
Final reflections
Grief is not just about death. It’s about all the ways we lose, and all the parts of ourselves we leave behind along the way.
If you’ve been carrying something quiet and unspoken, know that it deserves attention. Your grief is real, even if no one else saw the moment it began.
Therapy can be a place to lay it down, name it gently, and begin the slow, loving work of healing.
If this resonates, I offer a free 15 minute consultation where we can explore whether working together might support you. Click here to get in touch.
